Nina

The word Havening is based on the noun “haven” which stands for “safe place”.

Havening is a method based on neuroscience, evolutionary biology and psychology.

Regularly practiced it is supposed to help you overcome limiting past experiences or negative memories such as trauma.

Using Havening you will become more positive, healthier and calmer as a result.

The 5-Step Havening Technique

Step 1

Recall the uncomfortable memory or whatever has been weighing on your mind lately. Feel the resulting stress response of your body.

Step 2

Briefly distract yourself to help clear your conscious mind of the traumatic event, e.g. by recounting what you had for breakfast the day before.

Step 3

Increase the calming delta waves in your brain by rubbing the sides of your arms, the inside of your palms and your face about 10 times each. While doing so Imagine walking along a beautiful sandy beach or across an open grassy surface and count each stroke while you take an imaginary step.

Step 4

Do some rapid eye movement, moving your eyes (without moving your head) from left to right about 5 times.

Step 5

Repeat arm, palm and face rub.

• None of us live in an objective world, but in one that each person gives their own, subjective meaning to.
• It’s impossible to share your exact world with anyone else, because the world you see is different from the one I see.
• There is no escape from your own subjectivity – only acceptance.

Source: “The Courage To Be Disliked: How to free yourself, change your life and achieve real happiness” by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga

1. Speak No Ill

People react very badly to criticism; don’t do it, even if you mean well. If you don’t have to say something good, don’t say anything at all. Especially not behind their back.

2. Gratitude

Express appreciation and gratefulness for actions from others, no matter how small. Say “thank you”. People yearn to be appreciated.

3. Arouse & Support

Talk about what people want and then help them get it.

4. Remember

Try to remember the things that are important to them, including their name. Use it when talking to them. A person’s name sounds beautiful to them.

5. Curiosity

Encourage them to talk about themselves and their interests. Every person you meet feels superior to you in some way. Find out what that is and recognize their importance. Talk to people about themselves and they will listen to you for hours.

6. Don’t argue

Give in. Agree that the other person is right; often they are and if they aren’t, you’ll rarely convince them of it. Telling them they are wrong is counterproductive. Try to emphasize areas of agreement.

7. Humility

If you know you’re wrong, admit it. Always leave the possibility open that you’re wrong even if you think you aren’t. Let your friends be better than you and let them take credit for your ideas.

8. Be still

Let the other person do most of the talking. Listen patiently and don’t interrupt (see my post on this topic here).

9. See it with their eyes

Think in terms of the other person’s point of view. People will like your ideas a lot more if they believe them to be their own.

10. Tell Stories

Don’t use logic; tell stories. Make your ideas visible. Bear in mind that people don’t understand until you give them an image in their head that show them what you mean.